I sifted through several lists of recommendations for this next assignment, and nothing was really speaking to me. While in class someone had mentioned reading something from their ‘to be read’ list. I remembered that years ago I had bought Everything I Never Told You to read during winter vacation. I had picked it out because I liked the cover and liked the author. I read a single page of it on a plane and never picked it back up again. In class I remembered that I was interested in the book because it had mentioned something about immigration on the back. So for this assignment, I decided to finally check it off my ‘to be read’ list.
Describing my Experience
I liked the book when it had first started because it catches you with a hook – Lydia is dead – then fills in missing pieces throughout the story. Everything I Never Told You follows a Chinese-American family in the 70s. Even though the most catching part of the opening should be that Lydia is dead, for me it was the way the family described their dynamic. Before any details about Lydia’s death are disclosed, author Celeste Ng spends a lot of time describing their lives in Ohio going between their past and their life after Lydia’s death.
Classifying my Experience
Because there is a mystery element to the novel, I expected that to be my primary focus But it wasn’t. I mostly felt Suspended Judgement. This is defined as “Being unsure how to evaluate something that is unfamiliar”. Lydia’s father, James immigrated from China as a child, whereas her mother is a blonde haired blue eyed woman. There are elements of their family dynamic that make sense to me based on what is disclosed, but there are elements that I’m not sure how to feel about. I thought that once the book unfolded they would become clear to me, but their past experiences don’t line up with their current family dynamic for me. This is especially true of Lydia’s mom, Marilyn and her relationship with her family members.
Features Prompting my Experience
Almost immediately after it is stated that Lydia is missing, it is mentioned that Lydia is her parent’s favorite child because of the way she looks. This theme is strung along the book as they discover more information about Lydia’s real life.
“But Lydia, defying genetics, somehow has her mother’s blue eyes, and they know this is one more reason she is their mother’s favorite. And their father’s, too”
Celeste Ng, Chapter 1
Later on we hear more about Lydia’s father’s experience with immigration as a child. This experience is explained more throughout the novel, and this information helps to define the relationship James has with each of his children.
“Even though James was born in the United States, ‘he had never felt he belonged here’”
Celeste Ng, Chapter 2
To me, I can fully understand why James might think this way about Lydia because in Ohio in the 70s, Lydia fits in to their world in a way he and his other two children do not. His other children have experiences similar to him, they look like him, his son Nathan acted like James as a child, and since he struggled so much with his upbringing it makes sense to me that he would like this quality about her. It’s not that I agree with the way he treats his other children, and I don’t even empathize with it, but I understand it. Where I struggle to understand is why this makes Lydia her mother’s favorite. A large setup of their family dynamic is that Marilyn loved and married James despite the social judgement, because it was an experience she had too. They bonded over the oppression they experienced, especially in academia. To me, it seemed that if she had married James and loved him for his quality of being different, that she wouldn’t feel this way about Lydia and her other children.
“Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father had wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible”
Lydia’s mother prized herself on being different, liked James because he was different, and wanted Lydia to be different. She sees herself in Lydia and wants her to fulfill her dream of being a doctor, which is the best reason I received on why she may like Lydia better. Yet when it comes to her other children, she does not want them to stand out in any way, despite Nathan’s academic achievements, and their other daughter Hannah being so similar to Marilyn, it’s not enough for her. This confused me because the character is not set up to dislike her family based on their race, yet her past belief system and current belief system were not congruent. Even after the book had unfolded, I still don’t know how to feel about Marilyn.
James is not a decent man, throughout the novel he is unkind to his children, has an affair, leaves his wife, and is generally considered spineless even when his family needs him. Yet the way the characters interact with each other and within themselves left me feeling like I could properly assess James, but not Marilyn.
Narrative Technologies Prompting my Experience
I think there are two narrative technologies working together to elicit my experience. Secret Discloser – “A technology in which a narrator shares an intimate secret about a character. Sometimes the narrator is revealing their own secret and sometime another character’s secret” and Suspense – “Revealing some part of the story, but not all of the pieces”. The book unfolds through a third person narrator, so we see the thoughts and feelings of each character, but the narration leaves out details in the beginning and sometimes revisits concepts later. The idea that Marilyn and James like Lydia better is disclosed as an inside thought. It does affect the way they interact as a family, but not directly (there’s no point where the other children find out and react). Because it’s a secret, I wasn’t exactly sure how I should judge (or not judge) James, and especially Marilyn in the beginning. As the Secret Discloser technology was used more, I felt that my Suspended Judgement was resolved for James, but not Marilyn. I kept waiting for the pieces to be put together but they weren’t. I don’t necessarily think this was an intention of the author, but Marilyn’s story felt under explained as a part of keeping suspense. However this left me feeling as thought I could not fully evaluate her character the way I could with the others.
Sources
Experiences – WonderCat. https://wonder-cat.org/experiences/. Accessed 15 Feb. 2026.
Ng, Celeste. Everything I Never Told You. Penguin Press, 2014.
Technologies – WonderCat. https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/ubdvm0fpx6rvs6ha9fwtz/Technologies-WonderCat.pdf?rlkey=3un6lgc0m84iftwbz0bv0ipuc&e=1&dl=0. Accessed 15 Feb. 2026.
Featured Image
Cover Art. Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng. Penguin Press. All Rights Reserved.
