The only Exception – Story & The Brain

Nora

Identifying with Call it What You Want

When I first came across Call it What You Want, I was dealing with a difficult “situationship” breakup, one of those situations where you’re invested in someone, but they don’t feel the same. I found the book through BookTok and immediately felt drawn to it. I remember sitting in my living room at home, and a TikTok pictures this line:

“Stop losing your mind for someone who doesn’t mind losing you.”

It felt like it was speaking directly to me. I could totally relate to the feeling of loving someone who wasn’t giving back the same way. It made me want to read more, so I bought the book. Reading the book got me thinking about why I connected with the story on such a deep level. Sloane, the main character, went through a lot of the same emotional struggles I had faced, especially when it came to navigating a relationship that was unhealthy.

How I Felt About the Story

What really stood out to me was how much I could relate to Sloane’s journey. The feeling of being in a relationship (that was not really a relationship), where you’re hoping for more from someone who isn’t really giving you much in return, it felt way too familiar. What hit hardest was the idea of trying to change someone, thinking that you could make them feel the same way you do, but ultimately realizing that it might never happen. I kept hoping that Sloane would find herself in the story, just like I was hoping to find myself when I was in my own toxic situation. The more I read, the more I felt connected to her struggle.

“Because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.”

That was me a 20-year-old crying myself to sleep, begging for the bare minimum, convincing myself that even scraps of affection were worth it (I am just a girl). In the book, Sloane was a hopeless romantic, desperate for a great love story, but she ended up involved with Ethan, the emotionally unavailable frat guy. I saw myself in her. Except my name is Nora, and the emotionally unavailable guy was Batman.

It was painfully clear that Sloane always loved Ethan more than he loved her. But she held onto hope, hope that one day, he’d wake up and love her the way she loved him (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like that). She knew she deserved more, yet she settled for what little he gave. She was independent, strong, never needing anything from anyone, until Ethan walked away. When he left, it felt like her world was crumbling. And that’s exactly how I felt when Batman was gone.

What Was Actually There

In Call it What You Want, it wasn’t just about the romance. It was about figuring out who you are outside of a relationship and learning to prioritize yourself over someone who doesn’t fully appreciate you. I connected with that because I spent a lot of time in my own life trying to validate my worth through someone who couldn’t offer the same back. Sloane’s journey of finding self-worth and realizing she didn’t need someone else’s approval was something I had to learn too (Still in the process of doing it). The book made me reflect on the choices I’d made and the emotional healing I still needed.

“Why did I have to fall in love with someone that couldn’t love me back? In the beginning, I was convinced he was my ‘right person, wrong time’. Now, I’m starting to think that may just be a phrase people use when they love someone so deeply and know that person doesn’t, and never can, love them back the same way.”

Coming to the realization that someone will never love you the way you love them has been one of the hardest truths I’ve had to face. I guess, as someone who has always trusted that people would eventually recognize my worth, I never realized that I needed to see it for myself first. There is no such thing as meeting the right person at the wrong time. When someone is truly meant for you, they will prioritize you, adapt, and make the time to make it work, no matter the circumstances. The right connection isn’t dictated by timing, it’s defined by effort, commitment, and the willingness to grow together (At least in my perspective).

“One day he’s going to wake up and realize that he lost the best thing he ever had. He lost the only person who would’ve loved him through anything. I hope he hurts. I hope he regrets it. But even more importantly, I hope he learns. I hope he learns that love isn’t always easy. Love is compromise. It’s understanding and accepting. Someone else is going to give you all of that and more one day, and I can’t wait to see who he is.”

Even though this book made me realize my self-worth, it also made me lose a little bit of hope in love. I’ve always believed in perfect love stories where the guy eventually realizes the girl’s worth. Unfortunately, in this case, Ethan was never willing to put in the effort to settle down for Salonne. He kept coming back to her, but he was never able to commit. Props to her for holding onto hope that one day he would finally see her value, but I don’t think I could ever do that. Now, I live with the idea that maybe, far in the future, he will come back and finally realize my worth. I guess, in a way, Sloanne feels the same way. We’re both good people who believe in the power of emotions and that, one day, people are capable of change.

The Emotional Connection

So what was it about Call it What You Want that made me feel so connected to Sloane? I think it was the way the story showed the internal conflict. Sloane had this constant struggle between love and self-respect, just like I did in my own life. There was this one moment in the book where Sloane had to decide whether to forgive someone who hurt her, and that really made me stop and think. It was so similar to my own experience of trying to figure out whether I should let go or hold on to something that didn’t feel right anymore. I realized that the book was helping me face my own feelings, even the ones I hadn’t fully processed yet.

By the end of the book, after Ethan kept coming back but never really changed, Sloane finally realized she was okay without him. She wasn’t willing to keep waiting or settling, she wanted more, and she deserved more. Even though it hurt, she made the choice to close that chapter and move on.

Around the same time, I kept listening to The Only Exception by Paramore on repeat. The song captures that feeling of holding on to someone even though you know it’s not good for you. The lyrics talk about how hard it is to let go of someone you’ve invested so much in, and it felt like my own personal anthem during that time. The song really brought out that emotional conflict I was feeling, the pull to move on, but also not being able to just walk away. In a way, it was like the song and the book were both helping me process the same feelings I had about my own past relationships.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking “Is this my great love story?” because I want more. I deserve more. I don’t want calls that go unanswered or texts that are never read. I don’t want to spend holidays, or any day, begging someone to choose me. I deserve someone who chooses me without question. Someone who loves me without doubt. I want someone who shows up and I realize that my relationship with Ethan isn’t any of those things. It likely never will be. Maybe this really is the end. “

Maybe this is the end. Maybe it always comes down to a “maybe.” But sometimes, you just have to move on because you deserve someone who chooses you. It’s just hard to believe that when you’ve never experienced it.

Works Cited

Experiences Glossary – Story & The Brain. https://unewhavendh.org/story-and-the-brain/experiences-glossary/. Accessed 4 Feb. 2025.

Technologies by Element of Narrative – Story & The Brain.https://unewhavendh.org/story-and-the-brain/technologies-by-element-of-narrative/. Accessed 4 Feb. 2025.