Her One Mistake – Story & The Brain

Angie

My Experience

I remember buying this book years ago and starting it but never continued. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested, maybe I just had a lot going on. Anyways, I know we are supposed to read a book we have never read before, but I don’t remember anything that happened in the first few chapters I read, so I decided to give the book another chance. So far, I have read/listened to most of the book so here’s this rundown. There are four main characters; Harriet, Allice, Brian, and Charlotte. Harriet is a shy, held-back type of woman and the mother of Allice, who is four years old. Brian is Harriet’s husband and the father of Allice. Charlotte is Harriet’s best and only friend. The book begins with Harriet and Allice arriving at Charlotte’s house. Charlotte has agreed and begged Harriet to let her watch Allice. The thing was, though, Harriet had never left Allice in all of the four years Allice had been alive. Charlotte was taking Allice and her three children to the school fair. Harriet was going to take a course on bookkeeping at a local hotel. Charlotte, who is already a stressed-out mother, took the four children to the fair. It was a hot day and there were hundreds of people attending the fair. Two of her children, Jack the eldest son (10 yrs), and Molly, the middle daughter (I believe is 6) wanted to go on this massive jungle run bouncy house. Allice, who is much like her mother, shy and held back, didn’t want to go on the jungle ride, but due to Molly’s insisting (Allice would go along with anything Molly said or did), she went on the run. The three went on the run while Charlotte and her youngest, Evie (3 yrs) sat down in the shade right in front of the jungle run. When Jack and Molly came back out, she noticed Allice was not trailing behind. She asked the children where Allice was and Molly said she thought she was right behind her. Charlotte has the children go back through the run to look and when that failed, she went in herself. After no luck, Charlotte, in a panicked state, asked people and looked all around for Allice. Again, with no luck. This is where to real story begins and omg it’s honestly so hectic and unexpected so read on.

Classifying My Experience

The rest of this story is just insane. I’ve felt a lot of emotions so let’s get into that.

In the beginning/middle of the book, I felt a lot of curiosity (When we feel we have some idea about an answer, but are unconfident about what that answer is.) and frustration (I would define it as a mix of anger and being out of control.) Brain, Harriet’s husband is, to me, obviously manipulative, but then again I’m reading through Harriet’s point of view most of the time. To outsiders, I understand why it is so hard to tell. So, basically, Brian has been slowly convincing Harriet that she is insane and completely dependent on him and has no way to leave. He uses these little tactics so minusculely but impactfully. For example, at one point, Brian plugged in Harriet’s phone next to the tub while she was asleep taking a bath. He then screamed and grabbed Harriet out of the tub, letting the phone fall into the water. He yelled at her asking what she was thinking. Naturally, Harriet denied it because it simply wasn’t true, she didn’t plug her phone in next to the tub. But, the Federal Liaison Officer (FLO), Angela was there and Brian had to put on a show. This part is where I felt a lot of frustration because, to the reader, Brian’s tactics seem obvious (at least to me). The curiosity aspect came in once I saw the signs of Brian being abusive. At first, I wasn’t sure if what I was thinking was right and I wanted to continue reading as fast as possible to find out.

I also experienced a lot of Immersion (Absorbing or engrossing involvement in a story.) The storyline just kept changing and twisting in ways I did not think possible. It was overwhelming yet so intriguing I couldn’t stop reading. I had to know. I had my own ideas of what may happen but they were all pretty much wrong, leaving me in complete awe (The feeling of admiration or astonishment (wonder) mixed with fear or respect.)

I felt mostly empathy (The feeling of understanding another person’s actions. You may not condone the actions or identify with the person, but you accept that their actions weren’t wrong) when it came to Harriet. She lied to her best friend, husband, police, and the media during her plan to escape her marriage with Brian. Charlotte was left alone to carry the guilt of losing someone else’s child, thinking her best friend would never talk to her again, and so much self-hatred. Harriet caused pain and confusion to her best friend and the detectives, but at the end of the day, she needed to escape and this was the only way she knew how.

What Prompted My Experience

This first quote is from Charlotte’s first realization that she may have lost her best friend’s child: (Talking to her eldest, Jack, and her second child Molly)

“Where’s Alice?”

“I thought she was behind me”

“Well she isn’t, Molly, she’s probably stuck somewhere and she might be scared. One of you’ll have to go in again.” “I’ll go,” Jack said, already sprinting around the other side, eager for another turn. “Me too.” Molly disappeared just as quickly, both of them out of sight again. I waited. I glanced around the field, marveling at the amount of people, noticing Audrey again, but she was too far away to call out to. I needed to ask her if she could take Jack to football practice for me that Monday, so I’d try to catch up with her at some point. (Another one of her close friends)

Jack appeared over the tip of the slide again. “She’s not in there,” he called, landing at my feet. “What do you mean she’s not in there? Of course she’s in there.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t see her. I went all the way through, and she wasnt in there.” “Molly? Did you see Alice?” I called out to Molly, who had now appeared at the end too. Molly shook her head. “Well she has to be. She can’t have just disappeared. You’ll have to go back on again, Jack,” I said, pushing him around the back. “And this time make sure you find her.” – Heidi Perks p. 19

This was the moment Charlottes realized Alice was in fact missing. The build-up to that moment was daunting, I knew based on the summary of the book on the back that Alice was missing, but it didn’t change the way I was immersed in and feeling Charlotte’s panic.

This quote is after the police told Brian and Harriet their daughter vanished from the fair:

“I just can’t believe no one saw anything,” Brian seethed, shaking his head as he sat back in his chair. “There must have been crowds of people there.” He looked from Angela to Harriet. “I don’t get it. I don’t get it al all.” Brian stood up and walked to the sink, leaning his back against it and holding his hands together in front of his lips as if in prayer. “God, I mean why, Harriet?”

“Why what?” she asked, although she knew exactly what he meant. “Why was Alice with Charlotte? Why wasn’t she with you? Where were you?” Harriet bit her bottom lip. She felt Angela’s eyes on her. “I was taking a class,” she said. “A class? What do you mean a class?” He rested his hands on the counter as if he was trying to steady himself. “Harriet?” he said again. “What class are you talking about?”

“A bookkeeping class,” she said finally. He stared at her, his whole body frozen, until his lips eventually moved but ther didn’t make a sound. When they did, his voice was soft. “You never mentioned a bookkeeping class to me.” “I did,” Harriet said slowly, keeping eye contact with him. “I told you about it last week.” Brian’s eyebrows furrowed deeper as he came back to the table and sat down right next to her again. She could sense his confusion, but she also wanted to remind him that none of this mattered. “No, my love,” he said softly as he held out his hands to her, palms upturned on the table. “No, you definetly didn’t.” Harriet lowered her hands into his as his fingers curled around them. “But it’s not relevan tright now, is it? Finding Alice is paramount.” -Heidi Perks p. 53

This is the first time Brian so meticulously manipulates Alice in front of the LEO officer, Angela. At first, to me it seemed normal, but something was off in the way he lowered his voice and kind of baby-talked her when saying she definitely didn’t tell him. It was also in the way Harriet so easily gave in. I don’t know, something about this quote seemed off to me, I just couldn’t pinpoint it yet.

This next quote is a conversation between Brian and Harriet later that first night they found out Alice was missing:

“Did Charlotte put you up to it? Tell you that you needed to earn some extra money?”

“No. Charlotte never-“

“Is it because she’s a career woman?”

“She works two days a week.”

“But that’s still not a full-time mother,” he said. “And you know that’s what you want to be, my love. She’s trying to do both and be good at it, and you know you can’t do that,” he went on, his voice rising higher. “Christ, we both know that now, don’t we?” -Heidi Perks p. 76

This is the second instance in which Brian attempts to manipulate Harriet into submitting to him, further ensuring she has nowhere else to go. The difference this time is that they are in private, with no one else in the home. This time, Brian raises his voice while actively demeaning her attempt at gaining some sort of independence. I knew from the beginning I wasn’t gonna be a fan of Brian, but now, ew, he sucks.

This quote is a soliloquy from Charlotte’s perspective, she had redownloaded Facebook against her better judgment and began to scroll the comments on posts about Allice:

I should have stopped looking then and put my phone away, happy that I hadn’t found anything vitriolic, but instead I sat upright and tapped Allice’s name into the google search bar. It was with a strange determination to punish myself that I knew I wouldn’t give up until the damage was done, and it didn’t take long to find what I was looking for.

I first found my name in a comments section of the Dorset Eye website beneath an article written by Josh Gates, the journalist from the appeal. His vindictive piece had attracted the attention of locals. Names I didn’t know, some anonymous, all thrilled at the chance to let rip and confirm I must be an awful mother.

I should never have been allowed to look after someone else’s child, apparently. Mine should be taken away from me because quite obviously they weren’t safe. If I’d lost their child they wouldn’t be able to help themselves, one said. What he would do, he didn’t explicitly say, but the threat was clear.

I balled my fist into my mouth, gulping large breaths of air that I couldn’t swallow down. These were people who lived near me. They came from Dorset, maybe they were even from my village, and they hated me. Every one of them hated me.

I slid down under my duvet cover, pulling it over my head. Screwing my eyes shut, I sobbed and screamed under the covers until I must have fallen asleep. – Hedi Perks p. 113

This was such a sad chapter, looking in at the grief and guilt Charlotte was holding. I found a deep understanding of her actions here. While it was not smart to deep dive into the internet for negative comments on herself, the need to know and punish herself is understandable. I can identify and relate to the need to know, even if it is against better judgment. It’s just a human thing and I felt the grief with her, just not the guilt.

Plot twist time:

The past twelve months flickered like a movie behind her eyelids. The realization that Brian had created a life she and Alice coudn’t escape from, the appearance of the ghost from her past, the sheer desperation that made it seem like her plan was a good idea.

Everything had changed in the last twenty-four hours and Harriet knew it was dangerous to leave, but Allice was her priority. It was always about Alice. Only now she might possibly lose her daughter for good.

It was Harriet’s fault her daughter had disapeared twelve days ago, because she was the one who had planned it. Every meticulous detail of Alice vanishing from thin air was so they could escape him. – Heidi Perks p. 167

I was so surprised to learn that it was Harriet who planned Allice’s disappearance, absolutely astonished. Everything she did now makes sense. It was her first time ever leaving Allice in the care of someone else, she was so nervous to let her go, and there were times she would abruptly need to leave the house under the premise she was going for a walk or they needed milk. Both times she did this, to me it seemed like she was so overwhelmed she needed an excuse to get some air. Before this plot twist, I figured her actions and feelings were natural for this situation due to all of her anxiety, but also, on the other hand, it makes total sense. (she also explains it in another chapter)

This quote is more for context so you can better understand the storyline. This takes place shortly after it is disclosed to the reader that Harriet planned Allice’s disappearance:

I was cleaning the house one rainy Monday morning when the doorbell rang. I smiled at Allice who was painting at the kitchen table and, with a duster in one hand, answered the door to find a man on my doorstep. He looked as shocked as I must have been, and with one hand gripping the doorframe, he leaned slightly forward as if he were about to speak.

My eyes skimmed over his face. I shook my head nervously, took a step back. I didn’t recognize all of him, but his large green eyes were so familiar.

“Harriet,” he eventually said. It wasn’t a question. – Heidi Perks p. 199

This is when her father turns up at her door decades after leaving her and her mother. Her mother told everyone he died to hide the embarrassment of being left. Harriet knew her father wasn’t dead, but over the years, telling people he had died felt normal and she didn’t second guess it anymore.

Okay, so here is some backstory before getting into the quote. After her father turns up at Harriet’s door, Harriet brings up her plan to him about staging Allice’s disappearance. At first, her father was against it, but after a little while, he turned around and said he would help. It wasn’t clear why, but he had one condition, which was to be blamed for everything if things were to go wrong. They planned for Allice and her grandfather to go to a remote cabin where no one would be around to see them. When her father stops answering their scheduled phone calls, Harriet decides to take the long drive up as a last-ditch effort to find her daughter. When they weren’t there, Harriet called Charlotte and waited in hopes Charlotte would come save her, instead, she was met with Brian.

I slammed the cabinet door shut just as there was a loud rap on the front door. Automatically, I froze. It felt too good to be true that it could be Charlotte. But if it wasn’t her, then who was it? The police? Slowly I crept toward the front door, looking through its obscured window, but not even a shadow flickered behind it.

I opened the door a crack and looked out, pulling it open wider. With a plummeting sense of disappointment, I realized there was no one there and that deep down I had thought it would be my friend. Closing my eyes to stem the threat of tears, a heavy sense of despair told me I should never have expected Charlotte to come.

I began pushing the door shut when I felt the slightest puff of breath against the back of my neck. The hairs on my arms pricked up, goose bumps splattered across my bare skin. Someone was behind me. I felt him. I smelled the woody scent of his aftershave. He was inside the house, standing in the hallway, breathing against my neck. I would have screamed if the sound hadn’t frozen in my throat.

“Hello, Harriet,” Brian murmured, his mouth so close to my ear I could almost feel the brush of his lips. My hand shook violently against the doorknob as he reached over my shoulder to gently close it. “Surprise,” he whispered. – Heidi Perks p. 245

I was absolutely shook when reading this. Chills I should say. The suspense leading up to this was insane. I was scared for Harriet, knowing the terror she went through with him and how her elaborate, last-hope plan to escape just fumbled through her fingertips.

Narrative Technologies

Narration:

I voice: A narrator who speaks in the first person

Some chapters are from the first-person perspective, but then others are in the third person.

Secret disclosure: A technology in which a narrator shares an intimate secret about a character. Sometimes the narrator reveals their own secret and sometimes another character’s secret.

When Harriet reveals it was her that planned her daughter’s disappearance to escape Brian’s abuse.

Soliloquy: A narration technology that allows spectators or readers to hear or read the inner conflict of an individual character.

When Harriet and Brian were at the doctor’s office Brian sharply said “Well it often comes on in adulthood,” and Harriet thought “Like the day I met you,” showing her inner conflict. Or when Charlotte was disclosing her struggles in life after the disappearance of Allice.

Storyworld:

Opportunity to Observe: Constructing a story in which characters display many emotions, perhaps unpredictably, encouraging the viewers or readers to observe and recognize the emotions they are experiencing.

At the end of the book when Harriet is reunited with Allice, but witnesses Brian attacking her father and beating him to death. Then, when Harriet sees Charlotte running down the beach to Allice. In the boat when Harriet lunged at Brian, knocking them both into the sea. Harriet could swim, Brian could not and he wasn’t aware she could. He gets pulled under and eventually, Harriet kicks free. There is so much going on at once.

Plot twist: Even though the chain of the story is arrow straight, its final link is so stunning that it feels like a swerve. It overthrows all precedent, delivering us to an unexpected destination.

There are a couple of plot twists within this book. The first is when we find out Brian is abusive, the second is when we find out Harriet’s father is actually alive (he left at a young age but her mother was embarrassed so she told everyone he died), and the last is when Harriet disclosed to the reader that it was her who facilitated the disappearance of Allice. This is the type of book where as soon as you think you know what’s going on or going to happen, it throws another twist.